Thinking back on 2007, i realize that it was a pretty cool year. Not because there was a wii shortage and there were idiots huddled outside stores for a damn console with bullshit games (wii fit? REALLY?) but because we could open up a book, a magazine, turn on our television, take out our tampons and not be bombarded with what now is causing my blood to boil.


A vampire as imagined by the 15 year old goth in your high school math class


Everywhere i turn in 2009, i'm constantly being fucked in the ass by vampires. if it isn't edward, it's one of those douches from True Blood or someone from vampire diaries or some other bullshit generic vampire crap that's being churned out by Hollywood. It's like everytime a hollywood producer shits, it has to do with a vampire.



This film was a fucking flop! i see trends like this: there's a bunch of idiots sitting around in a room, one idiot comes out with an idea (wearing shit on his face) and makes it popular amongst everyone who in turn wear brown shit on their face. Idiot #2 decides he wants to wear blue shit and Idiot #3 decides to wear green shit, sure they both have their own legion of idiots following them but none will be as popular as the brown shit. No matter what different colors, at the end of the day you're still wearing shit on your face. Everyone is trying to make money off of the damn vampire trend but yet they forget about QUALITY and churn out whatever steaming pile of shit comes along.

One of the morons from True Blood said that Edward Cullen was like the Diet Coke of the vampires. i agree. hell, if i were to compare vampires to sodas it'd be something like this:

God Tier (Pepsi)-Nosferatu
Good Tier (Coke)- Dracula, Lestat (Interview with a Vampire)
Shit no one really likes Tier (diet coke)- Edward Cullen
Shit cheapskates buy because it's always on sale (Rite Soda) - Idiots from True Blood

The L Word

is fucking overrated. Goddamn hoochies and their fucking drama. I mean, what's the point of the fucking show anyway? If you were to ask me "yo, dawg, what's dexter about?" i'd be like, "the show dexter is about a serial killer who goes around murdering those who have escaped justice. he works as a blood splatter analyst and the show chronicles his life working for the police and solving crimes and his struggles with this personal demons" see? shit sounds fucking awesome. however, if you'd ask me "yo, dawg, what's the L word about?" i'd be like "los angeles...lesbians...kate moennig..no fucking idea" shit's so boring it could kill my fucking boner.


and who is this Shane chick on the show that has all the lesbians creaming themselves?





not pictured: millions of thongs


Bitch needs to eat a sandwich. Overrated as fuck.

the swine flu

is a crock of shit. There's people in mexico wearing surgical masks and walking around because they're afraid to catch a flu. I've been reading that there's a possibility that the USA-Mexico border will be shut down. Seriously, what kind of nation of pussies have we become where we go and run from a fucking flu? fuck the flu! I also read on CNN that 20 people in mexico have died so far. wow. 20 fucking people. 14,500 people died from AIDS in 2007 alone and we see flu as the fucking pandemic? The icing on the fucking cake was when fox news said that people are showing symptoms in Europe. fucking Europe where they possibly don't even have access to this virus and now people over there are shitting bricks. Personally, i don't but into this mass hysteria bullshit and neither should you. why? because when you boil it down, that's all it is. mass hysteria. A few people got sick with the flu, and everyone takes it as if it was the black death then some asshole in France is eating is baguette when suddenly he coughs and says "oui oui!! i haz zee zzwine flu!!" then everyone around him starts getting the runny shits. Next thing you know, all borders are closed and we're all quarantined. Thank god this shit isn't going down in africa because Bono would've been all over this shit, fucking organizing concerts where he doesn't actually help or give money and instead "raises awareness". So calm the fuck down people and just remember SARS, anthrax, and the bird flu (and Y2K and the fucking conficker virus). It was all a bunch of overblown bullshit. or maybe God likes to play Pandemic.

Perez Hilton

i hate this asshole so much and he's going around making a big stink about Miss California's opinion about gay marriage. Thankfully, a lot of people are coming around to the thought of gay marriage (woopwoop, Vermont) and some people don't and you know what, i understand. If someone was to tell me "i don't believe in gay marriage" i would just be like "aight, LATAZ" and fly away on my magic carpet, i would NOT go around talking shit and bashing them you know why? Because this is America. We have a freedom of speech and we can believe in whatever the fuck we want and say whatever the fuck we want and Mr. Hilton should realize this since this very right keeps his stupid ass "blog" in business and lets him spew whatever bullshit he wants about whoever. For example, i'm against legalizing pot. However, i wouldn't prosecute someone who is for it. fuck it, there's two sides to every story and not everyone is going to agree. So fuck Perez Hilton. and remember what Voltaire said: "I may not agree with what you say but I will defend to the death your right to say it"

not inspired

can't write.

Being a freak isn't an occupation

and Southwestern seems to be a fucking breeding ground for these assholes. There's this one asswipe who i'm SURE is a fucking art major because only an art major would be a big enough asshole or maybe even some sort of political whore since they're all assholes too. ANYWAY, this douche bag walks around with a big ass trench coat, his hair "mysteriously" in his face and...here's the real kicker....a FUCKING DOG COLLAR around his neck. yes. you read right. this ass muncher wears a dog collar. to school. i'm sure this asshole also sits around with this other dick slapping friends to talk about how the government is "unfair" and how 9/11 was an inside job and how we're all mindless drones and they're the only enlightened ones. I'm sure his dog collar represents the oppression of the people by the government and how they keep us on leashes. He probably also walks around "mysteriously" trying to scare people. First of all, retarded "goths" make me laugh. cut your hair, pussy. and yeah try to get the devil to take me i'll beat his ass and rape his face before he can even touch me then i'll go over to your place where i'll bitch slap the taste out of your mouth for wasting my time. God. i hate people.

i finally got a zune

i can block out everyone on the bus