who the fuck comes up with these ridiculous fucking myspace features? I get about 5 app invites fucking DAILY from all these assholes asking me to join their coven or pet their cat or some shit. listen, dirt bag, i'm not adding the app. I'm not going to play poker with you shit face. I tried going on my aunt's myspace just to say hi her fucking page CRASHED MY BROWSER. fucking shit now there's a new feature that lets you see your friend's past updates. I really don't a fuck if you ate at 3 and took a massive dump at 5. Also, you fucking morons STOP REPLACING YOUR NAMES WITH IDIOTIC SONGS LYRICS. I'm trying to search for Pepe Gonzalez. i should be able to type in his name (or cock mongler) and find him, not "Please don't worry too much
It only hurts when I breathe" goddamn it fucking loser you're not poetic you piece of shit. It also makes my blood boil when a profile is set to private and the moron's profile has this under their headline: . Listen, you waste of space, no one is trying to stalk you and no one gives a fuck. It's just myspace you fucking idiot what's the point of having one if it's going to be private. assface.

Speaking of things that piss me off, today i was on the bus and as always it was stuffed up the ass with smelly gross people and this two bitches get one with 2 kids and a big ass fucking stroller. anyway, barf bag #1 starts fucking crying really loud. the mom, being one of those stupid moms, says "Tommy, tommy, stop crying. Stop crying tommmy." and then barf bag #2 drops her fucking ball and starts yelling "MY BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAALL" and starts crying too. fucking shit. If they were my kids i'd wait til i got home and smack the living shit out the little shits for embarrasing me and ruining my day. if your children aren't disciplined enough to behave in the fucking bus, you have failed as a parent and your children should be taken away and used as cheap labor. We'd save the government money and with this recession, we really need it.

BABIES BABIES BABIES!.

goddamn it man. Everyone is having children. Do you know how angry that makes me? That means more crying, whiny, annoying punk ass bitches will be running around with their sticky hands staring at me at restaurants and stinking up the place. Let's start with exhibit A:


In fact, she looks like another crazy multi baby bitch:



This bitch has 14 kids now and doesn't have a job and gets welfare. When the fuck is the government (and doctors) gonna say "nuh uh bitch fuck you and the horse you rode in on now go get a job". I don't have much to say about this bitch cuz i could write a whole novel but fuck i think i hate humans (especially mothers and childern) even more. What kind of shit is this? Isn't anyone thinking this bitch is gonna breed some crazy fucking kids? and i know this bitch has an obsession with Angelina Jolie. Fuck damn it that should be reason enough to get checked by a damn therapist.

Exhibit B:
This punk ass 13 year old just became a father too. his name is Alfie Patten (google this shit if you've been under a rock). Some priest is saying we shouldn't point fingers and shit but i say shut the fuck up old preacher man it's their fault. at 13 i knew very well that sex led to unwanted disgusting babies and i knew all about condoms (then again, my intelligence was so superior i made a radio out of petroleoum jelly, a sock, and a tennis ball) you know why? because my mom wasn't an ignorant fuck and actually talked to me about this shit. I know this little shit lives in England but i think all bible thumpers should get a fucking clue. Either we sexually educate teenagers' faces off or throw condoms at them at random intervals. Also, the government should tie the tubes of any bitch who has a kid under the age of 18 and also makes sure that the fathers get neutered or some shit. They'll be saving lives and millions of dollars of welfare. While we're at it, we take away the child if they already have one. I don't give a fuck if the grandparents are taking care of them. The last thing we need is another generation of dipshits. When i was in high school i hated every bitch that walked around with her huge stomach that contained her evil humanoid alien. Bitch, your lack of common sense isn't cute and no i'm not gonna coo at your stomach. retard.

People are retards

and because of them we can't have kick ass movies because someone gets butthurt and makes a protest because they were "offended". Which is why we have half assed "horror" movies. Everyone is so easily scared and insulted by the sight of blood or some shit and they get angry and walk out the theatre. listen, if you're a pussy and can't handle fake ghosts or some shit DON'T SEE THE MOVIE SHIT BRAINS. Anyway, i saw Hounddog yesterday which was made in 2007 but wasn't released until now because of the rape scene between then 12 Dakota Fanning and some milk man dude with a fucked up face or some shit. Anyway, i saw this movie and was obviously not amused because you know what's going to happen since many people, including Dakota Fanning fans protested this film because of the rape scene. so anyway, the rape scene comes up. 5 seconds later, it's over. I wanted to scissor kick all the idiots who protested it in the back of the head. It's not even graphic. and there's people calling it child abuse. HELLO ASSHOLES. CHILD ABUSE HAPPENS EVERY FUCKING DAY, NOT JUST IN MOVIES. why weren't there any people protesting the protesters with signs that read "Get a job asshole" or something. Fucking moral crusadors and family value advocates (both translate to bible thumpers) always have something they got to oppose or else they're not happy. It's like they forget Catholic priests tend to have wandering hands around children.

Another thing, why is it that everything now has a fucking coalition againt defamation or something? goddamn sensitive motherfuckers I'm just waiting for the National Coalition against Defamation against Douchebags contacts me to say that douchebags are people too and should not be insulted. Fucking shit people are stupid.

Adventures in public transportation

Being that i don't have a car, i have to take a bus to school (community college. don't laugh at me. don't call me names. don't get your pleasure from my pain. in god's eyes we're all the same. someday we'll all have perfect wings...don't laugh at me... AHAHAHAHA ASSHOLES LIKE I EVEN GIVE A FUCK WHAT YOU THINK) the public bus. I just want you guys to know that public transportation is like a death sentence. So i take my first bus on mondays at 6:45. It's relatively empty except for the few elderly people. Then we go pick up a girl. A girl with a yellow shirt. She jumps in all stupid and the driver is like "HEEEY!" cuz she didn't pay or anything and she turns around and says "WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT?" in the most squeaky voice. BITCH PAY THE FUCKING FARE. NO ONE WANTS TO LOOK AT YOU. Then i get to my stop and get on the second bus (yeah, our public transport system sucks so much we need 2 different buses for everything, those assholes!) that takes me straight to the college and it's always ALWAYS stuffed to the ass with people and there's a bunch of elderly people staring at with so much hate. First of all where the fuck are these old people going so fucking early? anyway, no matter how many people there already are the driver always decides that there's room for more. So he/she stops at every stop picking up more people that smell like cabbage and onions and keeps going and most of them can't drive worth shit. I always have to stand and have trouble keeping my balance because the asshole bus driver decides to go really fast and jerk to a stop, sending me flying through people and causing ugly bitches in mini skirts and heels to give me the side eye. oh! and in each new street or stop or some shit the driver announces where we are. most of them mumble where we are so it sound like *click*"wjge aaare newhbnjoooow in re-*heavy breathing*"*click* WHAT? speak the fuck louder. Goddamn it and there's always some asshole who didn't take a shower and smells like ass and sweat fuck i always get nauseated from the smell of ass, axe, cheap floral body spray, and 2 day old sweat.

Zack and Miri make a porno....

is a big shit fest. I really wanted to see it and i almost saw it in theatres on DD's birthday but opted for saw 5 (which was also a shit fest) and my mom finally rented it yesterday. holy fucking shit. the movie fucking blew. I won't lie, there was some really funny parts like when the camera guy gets shit on his face from the anal scene. In fact, the whole movie had a lot of potential to be an awesome porn fest but you know what killed it? These idiots:



Whatever goes on with these dicks is so fucking predictable it's almost laughable. We all know that once his penis enters her vagina they're gonna fall in love like if his sex is so good she's gonna explode with pleasure or some shit. The sex scene between them is even worse. There's a lame ass song in the background and he's all gentle. fuck you guys are filming a porn, grab that bitch and pound every single one of her holes then jizz on her face. It's not that hard. Seth Rogan is a funny man but for christ's sake what the fuck were you thinking? and the ending? FUCKING SUCKS! they don't even tell you what happens to the porn movie. it ends with those two fart knockers going into the room to have boring sex again. Why does every potentially good movie have to get ruined with emotions goddamit? I don't want to see them fall in love. I want to see some hoes getting banged and making a crap load of money off of it. That's the american dream.

Tidbits

Because this shit isn't important enough for me to write a full blog post about.

Oprah
Goddamn it, if there's something i hate more than clown car vaginas and child molesters it's Oprah. She's the fucking hero of desperate soccer moms everywhere the only time i actually watched her show and enjoyed it was when she went to Auschwitz with Elie Weitzel (sp?) AND it was commercial free so it was pretty cool. Recently, however, she's been all over place with Obama. Who does this bitch think she is? In pictures with Obama and his wife, she's in the middle grinning like an idiot. Ok, i get it, first black president but you didn't get him nominated. No one went to Oprah land and said "your majesty, we need a new president" and then she waved her hand and obama came out of no where. This is exactly why celebrities shouldn't be endorsing shit (here's looking at you, peta!). and if i was Michelle Obama, i'd smack this bitch and he like "uh uh, you ain't the first lady, bitch" then she'd crawl into a hole and emotionally eat herself to death.

Hilary Duff
Her bucktooth ass was on Maxim recently (i like it for the articles and humor i swear) and she's like "I'm gonna do more grown up roles" and she's all naked talking about how she's not a little girl anymore. First of all, why do all these female child stars think that to prove they're grown up that they need to pose for some magazine all naked? We all know her career is gonna go to the shits now because her idea of "serious, grown up roles" will involve her getting naked, playing a slut to show her "range" or some stupid shit like that. It's not like she's going to play some incredible role that'll leave a mark. Let's just leave that to the professionals.

PETA
God, i fucking hate PETA so much. If they ever threw a bag of flour on me, not that i'd ever wear fur anyway i think it's weird, I would go completely APESHIT on that bitch, i'd ask my security calmly to please let me have a word with the young lady and once they stepped aside i'd fucking pounce on the bitch and knock her down and yell "WHERE'S LASSY NOW, BITCH?" and after i tore her a new asshole i'd turn around and sue PETA. In court, i'd day PETA's attack caused me to have flashbacks of my abusive babysitter who'd suffocate me in flour. I'd settle for like $3 million for mental and emotional damage and medical bills and donate the money DIRECTLY to needy families.

I enjoy living here in National City. The weather is great, the history is cool, the people...well...there's not much to say about them. In fact, some of them are cholos (well, wannabe) and they all walk around saying the same thing: "fUcK dA pOliCe, deY aRrEstEd lIl pAyAso" and i say only one thing: I love the cops. if we didn't have have them, we'd be knee-deep in a pool of shit because of the "tough" idiots out there that can't keep calm. I don't even think it's about rebellion anymore it's just of idiots trying to prove something. Along the sidewalk, the city has put big pot looking things with plants in them, you know, to make the city look prettier. the next morning after they had put those things in they were COVERED in fucking graffiti. They all said "OTNC" which i presume means One Taco, No Cheese. Anyway, this isn't a post ranting about the stupidity of gangs. oohh nooooo, that's an entirely different post. Imagine, if there were no cops then and they fucking tagged something that was pretty, what would happen if there was no cops? Has anyone even thought that maybe, as a whole, we're all too stupid too function without having some dude come baby sit us and tell us what to do and not do and have to enforce some pretty stupidly obvious laws, you know, like the ones against theft just because little pablo has sticky fucking fingers. Actually, i think i WILL get into fucking cholos since i'm on this topic anyway. There's absolfuckinglutely nothing in this earth that pisses me off more than to see idiots like this walking around:

Oh noes! they have t shirts!



GOD DAMN IT I HATE THESE WASTE OF BREATH MOTHER FUCKERS and it's even worse when they walk around talking about "la familia" or about their latest "homie" in jail. First of all, when your ass gets thrown in jail none of those motherfuckers will be there. Walking towards the Adult School, i saw a sticker on a pole that says something like "RIP [name i can't remember] FUCK THE NCPD" when i see that stupid sign i rage like i've never raged before. Maybe that guy was just being too much of a fuckass and got blasted, or even worse, a rival asshole killed him. I'm just thinking of the mother now and if i was the mom of a dead cholo i'd hang my head in shame. ANYWAY it's frustrating that some of us are out there bettering ourselfs and going to school whereas these people hate school, don't even go, don't ever do shit except sell drugs, go to jail, repeat. They're not contributing shit to society!!!
I saw this chola outside the welfare office who has wearing tight white pants, a tank top and she has a kid in a stroller, one in the arms of her cholo boyfriend AND she was pregnant. I MEAN SERIOUSLY WTF. fuck all you want but get spayed goddamn it. I'm sure someone at the welfare office realizes either this bitch can't keep her legs closed or she thinks child bearing is a profession the goverment pays you for. They should take those kids. animals can't raise human babies.