Zack and Miri make a porno....

is a big shit fest. I really wanted to see it and i almost saw it in theatres on DD's birthday but opted for saw 5 (which was also a shit fest) and my mom finally rented it yesterday. holy fucking shit. the movie fucking blew. I won't lie, there was some really funny parts like when the camera guy gets shit on his face from the anal scene. In fact, the whole movie had a lot of potential to be an awesome porn fest but you know what killed it? These idiots:



Whatever goes on with these dicks is so fucking predictable it's almost laughable. We all know that once his penis enters her vagina they're gonna fall in love like if his sex is so good she's gonna explode with pleasure or some shit. The sex scene between them is even worse. There's a lame ass song in the background and he's all gentle. fuck you guys are filming a porn, grab that bitch and pound every single one of her holes then jizz on her face. It's not that hard. Seth Rogan is a funny man but for christ's sake what the fuck were you thinking? and the ending? FUCKING SUCKS! they don't even tell you what happens to the porn movie. it ends with those two fart knockers going into the room to have boring sex again. Why does every potentially good movie have to get ruined with emotions goddamit? I don't want to see them fall in love. I want to see some hoes getting banged and making a crap load of money off of it. That's the american dream.

Tidbits

Because this shit isn't important enough for me to write a full blog post about.

Oprah
Goddamn it, if there's something i hate more than clown car vaginas and child molesters it's Oprah. She's the fucking hero of desperate soccer moms everywhere the only time i actually watched her show and enjoyed it was when she went to Auschwitz with Elie Weitzel (sp?) AND it was commercial free so it was pretty cool. Recently, however, she's been all over place with Obama. Who does this bitch think she is? In pictures with Obama and his wife, she's in the middle grinning like an idiot. Ok, i get it, first black president but you didn't get him nominated. No one went to Oprah land and said "your majesty, we need a new president" and then she waved her hand and obama came out of no where. This is exactly why celebrities shouldn't be endorsing shit (here's looking at you, peta!). and if i was Michelle Obama, i'd smack this bitch and he like "uh uh, you ain't the first lady, bitch" then she'd crawl into a hole and emotionally eat herself to death.

Hilary Duff
Her bucktooth ass was on Maxim recently (i like it for the articles and humor i swear) and she's like "I'm gonna do more grown up roles" and she's all naked talking about how she's not a little girl anymore. First of all, why do all these female child stars think that to prove they're grown up that they need to pose for some magazine all naked? We all know her career is gonna go to the shits now because her idea of "serious, grown up roles" will involve her getting naked, playing a slut to show her "range" or some stupid shit like that. It's not like she's going to play some incredible role that'll leave a mark. Let's just leave that to the professionals.

PETA
God, i fucking hate PETA so much. If they ever threw a bag of flour on me, not that i'd ever wear fur anyway i think it's weird, I would go completely APESHIT on that bitch, i'd ask my security calmly to please let me have a word with the young lady and once they stepped aside i'd fucking pounce on the bitch and knock her down and yell "WHERE'S LASSY NOW, BITCH?" and after i tore her a new asshole i'd turn around and sue PETA. In court, i'd day PETA's attack caused me to have flashbacks of my abusive babysitter who'd suffocate me in flour. I'd settle for like $3 million for mental and emotional damage and medical bills and donate the money DIRECTLY to needy families.

I enjoy living here in National City. The weather is great, the history is cool, the people...well...there's not much to say about them. In fact, some of them are cholos (well, wannabe) and they all walk around saying the same thing: "fUcK dA pOliCe, deY aRrEstEd lIl pAyAso" and i say only one thing: I love the cops. if we didn't have have them, we'd be knee-deep in a pool of shit because of the "tough" idiots out there that can't keep calm. I don't even think it's about rebellion anymore it's just of idiots trying to prove something. Along the sidewalk, the city has put big pot looking things with plants in them, you know, to make the city look prettier. the next morning after they had put those things in they were COVERED in fucking graffiti. They all said "OTNC" which i presume means One Taco, No Cheese. Anyway, this isn't a post ranting about the stupidity of gangs. oohh nooooo, that's an entirely different post. Imagine, if there were no cops then and they fucking tagged something that was pretty, what would happen if there was no cops? Has anyone even thought that maybe, as a whole, we're all too stupid too function without having some dude come baby sit us and tell us what to do and not do and have to enforce some pretty stupidly obvious laws, you know, like the ones against theft just because little pablo has sticky fucking fingers. Actually, i think i WILL get into fucking cholos since i'm on this topic anyway. There's absolfuckinglutely nothing in this earth that pisses me off more than to see idiots like this walking around:

Oh noes! they have t shirts!



GOD DAMN IT I HATE THESE WASTE OF BREATH MOTHER FUCKERS and it's even worse when they walk around talking about "la familia" or about their latest "homie" in jail. First of all, when your ass gets thrown in jail none of those motherfuckers will be there. Walking towards the Adult School, i saw a sticker on a pole that says something like "RIP [name i can't remember] FUCK THE NCPD" when i see that stupid sign i rage like i've never raged before. Maybe that guy was just being too much of a fuckass and got blasted, or even worse, a rival asshole killed him. I'm just thinking of the mother now and if i was the mom of a dead cholo i'd hang my head in shame. ANYWAY it's frustrating that some of us are out there bettering ourselfs and going to school whereas these people hate school, don't even go, don't ever do shit except sell drugs, go to jail, repeat. They're not contributing shit to society!!!
I saw this chola outside the welfare office who has wearing tight white pants, a tank top and she has a kid in a stroller, one in the arms of her cholo boyfriend AND she was pregnant. I MEAN SERIOUSLY WTF. fuck all you want but get spayed goddamn it. I'm sure someone at the welfare office realizes either this bitch can't keep her legs closed or she thinks child bearing is a profession the goverment pays you for. They should take those kids. animals can't raise human babies.

i hate chargers fans.

Seriously, they've been honking for about 2 hours now, driving up and down highland like the idiots they are, yelling. no one gives a fuck about your shitty football team winning a game. you know why? because we're in a recession. there's a war and israel invaded gaza. These shit stains just don't know when you stop. it's 10:10 for fuck's sake. I have a good idea. The cops should close off highland like right after a chargers game. Can you imagine the looks on their stupid faces when they see the closed off streets. They'll be sitting in their escalades that they bought regardless of the fact that they can't pay their rent wearing Charger jerseys, charger hats, charger pants, and charger tampons with a 16 year old chola in the back seat and she'll say "oh my gawd, foo, dey closed down highland foo, fuck da copz dey is haterz cuz the chargers won, nuh uh if da Colts won, dis street would be open." Yes, 16 year old chola, it would be open. But only because the Colts fans aren't a bunch of douches that parade down the streets in their cars honking and yelling like a bunch of drunken monkeys. fuck the chargers and fuck their fans.



Charger fans, keeping it classy.