Thinking back on 2007, i realize that it was a pretty cool year. Not because there was a wii shortage and there were idiots huddled outside stores for a damn console with bullshit games (wii fit? REALLY?) but because we could open up a book, a magazine, turn on our television, take out our tampons and not be bombarded with what now is causing my blood to boil.


A vampire as imagined by the 15 year old goth in your high school math class


Everywhere i turn in 2009, i'm constantly being fucked in the ass by vampires. if it isn't edward, it's one of those douches from True Blood or someone from vampire diaries or some other bullshit generic vampire crap that's being churned out by Hollywood. It's like everytime a hollywood producer shits, it has to do with a vampire.



This film was a fucking flop! i see trends like this: there's a bunch of idiots sitting around in a room, one idiot comes out with an idea (wearing shit on his face) and makes it popular amongst everyone who in turn wear brown shit on their face. Idiot #2 decides he wants to wear blue shit and Idiot #3 decides to wear green shit, sure they both have their own legion of idiots following them but none will be as popular as the brown shit. No matter what different colors, at the end of the day you're still wearing shit on your face. Everyone is trying to make money off of the damn vampire trend but yet they forget about QUALITY and churn out whatever steaming pile of shit comes along.

One of the morons from True Blood said that Edward Cullen was like the Diet Coke of the vampires. i agree. hell, if i were to compare vampires to sodas it'd be something like this:

God Tier (Pepsi)-Nosferatu
Good Tier (Coke)- Dracula, Lestat (Interview with a Vampire)
Shit no one really likes Tier (diet coke)- Edward Cullen
Shit cheapskates buy because it's always on sale (Rite Soda) - Idiots from True Blood

The L Word

is fucking overrated. Goddamn hoochies and their fucking drama. I mean, what's the point of the fucking show anyway? If you were to ask me "yo, dawg, what's dexter about?" i'd be like, "the show dexter is about a serial killer who goes around murdering those who have escaped justice. he works as a blood splatter analyst and the show chronicles his life working for the police and solving crimes and his struggles with this personal demons" see? shit sounds fucking awesome. however, if you'd ask me "yo, dawg, what's the L word about?" i'd be like "los angeles...lesbians...kate moennig..no fucking idea" shit's so boring it could kill my fucking boner.


and who is this Shane chick on the show that has all the lesbians creaming themselves?





not pictured: millions of thongs


Bitch needs to eat a sandwich. Overrated as fuck.

the swine flu

is a crock of shit. There's people in mexico wearing surgical masks and walking around because they're afraid to catch a flu. I've been reading that there's a possibility that the USA-Mexico border will be shut down. Seriously, what kind of nation of pussies have we become where we go and run from a fucking flu? fuck the flu! I also read on CNN that 20 people in mexico have died so far. wow. 20 fucking people. 14,500 people died from AIDS in 2007 alone and we see flu as the fucking pandemic? The icing on the fucking cake was when fox news said that people are showing symptoms in Europe. fucking Europe where they possibly don't even have access to this virus and now people over there are shitting bricks. Personally, i don't but into this mass hysteria bullshit and neither should you. why? because when you boil it down, that's all it is. mass hysteria. A few people got sick with the flu, and everyone takes it as if it was the black death then some asshole in France is eating is baguette when suddenly he coughs and says "oui oui!! i haz zee zzwine flu!!" then everyone around him starts getting the runny shits. Next thing you know, all borders are closed and we're all quarantined. Thank god this shit isn't going down in africa because Bono would've been all over this shit, fucking organizing concerts where he doesn't actually help or give money and instead "raises awareness". So calm the fuck down people and just remember SARS, anthrax, and the bird flu (and Y2K and the fucking conficker virus). It was all a bunch of overblown bullshit. or maybe God likes to play Pandemic.

Perez Hilton

i hate this asshole so much and he's going around making a big stink about Miss California's opinion about gay marriage. Thankfully, a lot of people are coming around to the thought of gay marriage (woopwoop, Vermont) and some people don't and you know what, i understand. If someone was to tell me "i don't believe in gay marriage" i would just be like "aight, LATAZ" and fly away on my magic carpet, i would NOT go around talking shit and bashing them you know why? Because this is America. We have a freedom of speech and we can believe in whatever the fuck we want and say whatever the fuck we want and Mr. Hilton should realize this since this very right keeps his stupid ass "blog" in business and lets him spew whatever bullshit he wants about whoever. For example, i'm against legalizing pot. However, i wouldn't prosecute someone who is for it. fuck it, there's two sides to every story and not everyone is going to agree. So fuck Perez Hilton. and remember what Voltaire said: "I may not agree with what you say but I will defend to the death your right to say it"

not inspired

can't write.

Being a freak isn't an occupation

and Southwestern seems to be a fucking breeding ground for these assholes. There's this one asswipe who i'm SURE is a fucking art major because only an art major would be a big enough asshole or maybe even some sort of political whore since they're all assholes too. ANYWAY, this douche bag walks around with a big ass trench coat, his hair "mysteriously" in his face and...here's the real kicker....a FUCKING DOG COLLAR around his neck. yes. you read right. this ass muncher wears a dog collar. to school. i'm sure this asshole also sits around with this other dick slapping friends to talk about how the government is "unfair" and how 9/11 was an inside job and how we're all mindless drones and they're the only enlightened ones. I'm sure his dog collar represents the oppression of the people by the government and how they keep us on leashes. He probably also walks around "mysteriously" trying to scare people. First of all, retarded "goths" make me laugh. cut your hair, pussy. and yeah try to get the devil to take me i'll beat his ass and rape his face before he can even touch me then i'll go over to your place where i'll bitch slap the taste out of your mouth for wasting my time. God. i hate people.

i finally got a zune

i can block out everyone on the bus

i hate

Busses
Crowds
Crowded busses
Idiots
People in class who correct the professor
People in class who have the constant need to share a life experience and relate it to the topic
Old people (seriously where the fuck are they going so early in the morning? they just sit there and stink up the bus and mad dog me fuck there must be a diaper giveaway somewhere)
"socials"
Fuckers on their nextels that "CHIIIRP" every 3 seconds and have a loud conversations
College
Black History Month
Women's History Month
Disney
Miley Cyrus
Selena Gomez
The Jonas Brothers
Metalheads
Metal
Metal bands
Metal band names
My Classmates
My graduating class
Myspace
Bugs
Mouth Breathers
MSN
AIM
Facebook (it's the face of all that is evil)
Kentucky Fried Chicken
PETA
emo kids
scene kids
cholos
punks
goths
trekkies
(more to be added later)

who the fuck comes up with these ridiculous fucking myspace features? I get about 5 app invites fucking DAILY from all these assholes asking me to join their coven or pet their cat or some shit. listen, dirt bag, i'm not adding the app. I'm not going to play poker with you shit face. I tried going on my aunt's myspace just to say hi her fucking page CRASHED MY BROWSER. fucking shit now there's a new feature that lets you see your friend's past updates. I really don't a fuck if you ate at 3 and took a massive dump at 5. Also, you fucking morons STOP REPLACING YOUR NAMES WITH IDIOTIC SONGS LYRICS. I'm trying to search for Pepe Gonzalez. i should be able to type in his name (or cock mongler) and find him, not "Please don't worry too much
It only hurts when I breathe" goddamn it fucking loser you're not poetic you piece of shit. It also makes my blood boil when a profile is set to private and the moron's profile has this under their headline: . Listen, you waste of space, no one is trying to stalk you and no one gives a fuck. It's just myspace you fucking idiot what's the point of having one if it's going to be private. assface.

Speaking of things that piss me off, today i was on the bus and as always it was stuffed up the ass with smelly gross people and this two bitches get one with 2 kids and a big ass fucking stroller. anyway, barf bag #1 starts fucking crying really loud. the mom, being one of those stupid moms, says "Tommy, tommy, stop crying. Stop crying tommmy." and then barf bag #2 drops her fucking ball and starts yelling "MY BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAALL" and starts crying too. fucking shit. If they were my kids i'd wait til i got home and smack the living shit out the little shits for embarrasing me and ruining my day. if your children aren't disciplined enough to behave in the fucking bus, you have failed as a parent and your children should be taken away and used as cheap labor. We'd save the government money and with this recession, we really need it.

BABIES BABIES BABIES!.

goddamn it man. Everyone is having children. Do you know how angry that makes me? That means more crying, whiny, annoying punk ass bitches will be running around with their sticky hands staring at me at restaurants and stinking up the place. Let's start with exhibit A:


In fact, she looks like another crazy multi baby bitch:



This bitch has 14 kids now and doesn't have a job and gets welfare. When the fuck is the government (and doctors) gonna say "nuh uh bitch fuck you and the horse you rode in on now go get a job". I don't have much to say about this bitch cuz i could write a whole novel but fuck i think i hate humans (especially mothers and childern) even more. What kind of shit is this? Isn't anyone thinking this bitch is gonna breed some crazy fucking kids? and i know this bitch has an obsession with Angelina Jolie. Fuck damn it that should be reason enough to get checked by a damn therapist.

Exhibit B:
This punk ass 13 year old just became a father too. his name is Alfie Patten (google this shit if you've been under a rock). Some priest is saying we shouldn't point fingers and shit but i say shut the fuck up old preacher man it's their fault. at 13 i knew very well that sex led to unwanted disgusting babies and i knew all about condoms (then again, my intelligence was so superior i made a radio out of petroleoum jelly, a sock, and a tennis ball) you know why? because my mom wasn't an ignorant fuck and actually talked to me about this shit. I know this little shit lives in England but i think all bible thumpers should get a fucking clue. Either we sexually educate teenagers' faces off or throw condoms at them at random intervals. Also, the government should tie the tubes of any bitch who has a kid under the age of 18 and also makes sure that the fathers get neutered or some shit. They'll be saving lives and millions of dollars of welfare. While we're at it, we take away the child if they already have one. I don't give a fuck if the grandparents are taking care of them. The last thing we need is another generation of dipshits. When i was in high school i hated every bitch that walked around with her huge stomach that contained her evil humanoid alien. Bitch, your lack of common sense isn't cute and no i'm not gonna coo at your stomach. retard.

People are retards

and because of them we can't have kick ass movies because someone gets butthurt and makes a protest because they were "offended". Which is why we have half assed "horror" movies. Everyone is so easily scared and insulted by the sight of blood or some shit and they get angry and walk out the theatre. listen, if you're a pussy and can't handle fake ghosts or some shit DON'T SEE THE MOVIE SHIT BRAINS. Anyway, i saw Hounddog yesterday which was made in 2007 but wasn't released until now because of the rape scene between then 12 Dakota Fanning and some milk man dude with a fucked up face or some shit. Anyway, i saw this movie and was obviously not amused because you know what's going to happen since many people, including Dakota Fanning fans protested this film because of the rape scene. so anyway, the rape scene comes up. 5 seconds later, it's over. I wanted to scissor kick all the idiots who protested it in the back of the head. It's not even graphic. and there's people calling it child abuse. HELLO ASSHOLES. CHILD ABUSE HAPPENS EVERY FUCKING DAY, NOT JUST IN MOVIES. why weren't there any people protesting the protesters with signs that read "Get a job asshole" or something. Fucking moral crusadors and family value advocates (both translate to bible thumpers) always have something they got to oppose or else they're not happy. It's like they forget Catholic priests tend to have wandering hands around children.

Another thing, why is it that everything now has a fucking coalition againt defamation or something? goddamn sensitive motherfuckers I'm just waiting for the National Coalition against Defamation against Douchebags contacts me to say that douchebags are people too and should not be insulted. Fucking shit people are stupid.

Adventures in public transportation

Being that i don't have a car, i have to take a bus to school (community college. don't laugh at me. don't call me names. don't get your pleasure from my pain. in god's eyes we're all the same. someday we'll all have perfect wings...don't laugh at me... AHAHAHAHA ASSHOLES LIKE I EVEN GIVE A FUCK WHAT YOU THINK) the public bus. I just want you guys to know that public transportation is like a death sentence. So i take my first bus on mondays at 6:45. It's relatively empty except for the few elderly people. Then we go pick up a girl. A girl with a yellow shirt. She jumps in all stupid and the driver is like "HEEEY!" cuz she didn't pay or anything and she turns around and says "WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT?" in the most squeaky voice. BITCH PAY THE FUCKING FARE. NO ONE WANTS TO LOOK AT YOU. Then i get to my stop and get on the second bus (yeah, our public transport system sucks so much we need 2 different buses for everything, those assholes!) that takes me straight to the college and it's always ALWAYS stuffed to the ass with people and there's a bunch of elderly people staring at with so much hate. First of all where the fuck are these old people going so fucking early? anyway, no matter how many people there already are the driver always decides that there's room for more. So he/she stops at every stop picking up more people that smell like cabbage and onions and keeps going and most of them can't drive worth shit. I always have to stand and have trouble keeping my balance because the asshole bus driver decides to go really fast and jerk to a stop, sending me flying through people and causing ugly bitches in mini skirts and heels to give me the side eye. oh! and in each new street or stop or some shit the driver announces where we are. most of them mumble where we are so it sound like *click*"wjge aaare newhbnjoooow in re-*heavy breathing*"*click* WHAT? speak the fuck louder. Goddamn it and there's always some asshole who didn't take a shower and smells like ass and sweat fuck i always get nauseated from the smell of ass, axe, cheap floral body spray, and 2 day old sweat.

Zack and Miri make a porno....

is a big shit fest. I really wanted to see it and i almost saw it in theatres on DD's birthday but opted for saw 5 (which was also a shit fest) and my mom finally rented it yesterday. holy fucking shit. the movie fucking blew. I won't lie, there was some really funny parts like when the camera guy gets shit on his face from the anal scene. In fact, the whole movie had a lot of potential to be an awesome porn fest but you know what killed it? These idiots:



Whatever goes on with these dicks is so fucking predictable it's almost laughable. We all know that once his penis enters her vagina they're gonna fall in love like if his sex is so good she's gonna explode with pleasure or some shit. The sex scene between them is even worse. There's a lame ass song in the background and he's all gentle. fuck you guys are filming a porn, grab that bitch and pound every single one of her holes then jizz on her face. It's not that hard. Seth Rogan is a funny man but for christ's sake what the fuck were you thinking? and the ending? FUCKING SUCKS! they don't even tell you what happens to the porn movie. it ends with those two fart knockers going into the room to have boring sex again. Why does every potentially good movie have to get ruined with emotions goddamit? I don't want to see them fall in love. I want to see some hoes getting banged and making a crap load of money off of it. That's the american dream.

Tidbits

Because this shit isn't important enough for me to write a full blog post about.

Oprah
Goddamn it, if there's something i hate more than clown car vaginas and child molesters it's Oprah. She's the fucking hero of desperate soccer moms everywhere the only time i actually watched her show and enjoyed it was when she went to Auschwitz with Elie Weitzel (sp?) AND it was commercial free so it was pretty cool. Recently, however, she's been all over place with Obama. Who does this bitch think she is? In pictures with Obama and his wife, she's in the middle grinning like an idiot. Ok, i get it, first black president but you didn't get him nominated. No one went to Oprah land and said "your majesty, we need a new president" and then she waved her hand and obama came out of no where. This is exactly why celebrities shouldn't be endorsing shit (here's looking at you, peta!). and if i was Michelle Obama, i'd smack this bitch and he like "uh uh, you ain't the first lady, bitch" then she'd crawl into a hole and emotionally eat herself to death.

Hilary Duff
Her bucktooth ass was on Maxim recently (i like it for the articles and humor i swear) and she's like "I'm gonna do more grown up roles" and she's all naked talking about how she's not a little girl anymore. First of all, why do all these female child stars think that to prove they're grown up that they need to pose for some magazine all naked? We all know her career is gonna go to the shits now because her idea of "serious, grown up roles" will involve her getting naked, playing a slut to show her "range" or some stupid shit like that. It's not like she's going to play some incredible role that'll leave a mark. Let's just leave that to the professionals.

PETA
God, i fucking hate PETA so much. If they ever threw a bag of flour on me, not that i'd ever wear fur anyway i think it's weird, I would go completely APESHIT on that bitch, i'd ask my security calmly to please let me have a word with the young lady and once they stepped aside i'd fucking pounce on the bitch and knock her down and yell "WHERE'S LASSY NOW, BITCH?" and after i tore her a new asshole i'd turn around and sue PETA. In court, i'd day PETA's attack caused me to have flashbacks of my abusive babysitter who'd suffocate me in flour. I'd settle for like $3 million for mental and emotional damage and medical bills and donate the money DIRECTLY to needy families.

I enjoy living here in National City. The weather is great, the history is cool, the people...well...there's not much to say about them. In fact, some of them are cholos (well, wannabe) and they all walk around saying the same thing: "fUcK dA pOliCe, deY aRrEstEd lIl pAyAso" and i say only one thing: I love the cops. if we didn't have have them, we'd be knee-deep in a pool of shit because of the "tough" idiots out there that can't keep calm. I don't even think it's about rebellion anymore it's just of idiots trying to prove something. Along the sidewalk, the city has put big pot looking things with plants in them, you know, to make the city look prettier. the next morning after they had put those things in they were COVERED in fucking graffiti. They all said "OTNC" which i presume means One Taco, No Cheese. Anyway, this isn't a post ranting about the stupidity of gangs. oohh nooooo, that's an entirely different post. Imagine, if there were no cops then and they fucking tagged something that was pretty, what would happen if there was no cops? Has anyone even thought that maybe, as a whole, we're all too stupid too function without having some dude come baby sit us and tell us what to do and not do and have to enforce some pretty stupidly obvious laws, you know, like the ones against theft just because little pablo has sticky fucking fingers. Actually, i think i WILL get into fucking cholos since i'm on this topic anyway. There's absolfuckinglutely nothing in this earth that pisses me off more than to see idiots like this walking around:

Oh noes! they have t shirts!



GOD DAMN IT I HATE THESE WASTE OF BREATH MOTHER FUCKERS and it's even worse when they walk around talking about "la familia" or about their latest "homie" in jail. First of all, when your ass gets thrown in jail none of those motherfuckers will be there. Walking towards the Adult School, i saw a sticker on a pole that says something like "RIP [name i can't remember] FUCK THE NCPD" when i see that stupid sign i rage like i've never raged before. Maybe that guy was just being too much of a fuckass and got blasted, or even worse, a rival asshole killed him. I'm just thinking of the mother now and if i was the mom of a dead cholo i'd hang my head in shame. ANYWAY it's frustrating that some of us are out there bettering ourselfs and going to school whereas these people hate school, don't even go, don't ever do shit except sell drugs, go to jail, repeat. They're not contributing shit to society!!!
I saw this chola outside the welfare office who has wearing tight white pants, a tank top and she has a kid in a stroller, one in the arms of her cholo boyfriend AND she was pregnant. I MEAN SERIOUSLY WTF. fuck all you want but get spayed goddamn it. I'm sure someone at the welfare office realizes either this bitch can't keep her legs closed or she thinks child bearing is a profession the goverment pays you for. They should take those kids. animals can't raise human babies.

i hate chargers fans.

Seriously, they've been honking for about 2 hours now, driving up and down highland like the idiots they are, yelling. no one gives a fuck about your shitty football team winning a game. you know why? because we're in a recession. there's a war and israel invaded gaza. These shit stains just don't know when you stop. it's 10:10 for fuck's sake. I have a good idea. The cops should close off highland like right after a chargers game. Can you imagine the looks on their stupid faces when they see the closed off streets. They'll be sitting in their escalades that they bought regardless of the fact that they can't pay their rent wearing Charger jerseys, charger hats, charger pants, and charger tampons with a 16 year old chola in the back seat and she'll say "oh my gawd, foo, dey closed down highland foo, fuck da copz dey is haterz cuz the chargers won, nuh uh if da Colts won, dis street would be open." Yes, 16 year old chola, it would be open. But only because the Colts fans aren't a bunch of douches that parade down the streets in their cars honking and yelling like a bunch of drunken monkeys. fuck the chargers and fuck their fans.



Charger fans, keeping it classy.